Pure Potential

I’m tired of the circles I dance for the feelings of home. I’m tired of sitting in the discomfort only because I’ve never been shown how to sit any better. Someone told me once that I’m a very negative person, I mean I always knew I was a cynic, a pessimist sure, but I didn’t realize how bad it had gotten, especially when talking to myself.

My brain lights on fire the moment I get a chance to do the dance, the welcoming feelings of dopamine being released all due to some fucked up trauma deeply rooted inside my psyche. I hate being alone, but eventually I hate everyone I’m around.

Paralysis, it’s like the adult side of me, the one with any logic, shuts down. Paralyzed and frozen out while this traumatized child fights for things I know I don’t want, and people who can only give me so much in their own way and at the capacity that allows them. The smallest things make the largest waves and my heels burn because of all the spinning. I’m dizzy and want to throw up, but I persist.

It’s all I know.